The Scolai

“Just a Good Guy…With a Few Bad Habits”

Archive for March 2008

Kwame’s Clock

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A Detroit man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “Why are all those clocks there?” St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks.  Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.  Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.” 

“Oh,” replied the man, “very interesting… whose clock is that?” “That’s Mother Teresa’s clock,” answered St. Peter. “The hands have never moved, indicating that she has never told a lie.”

 “Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “And whose clock is that one?”St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved only twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.” 

“Where’s Kwame Kilpatrick’s clock?” asked the man.

“Kwame’s clock is in Jesus’ office.” St. Peter said. “He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”



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March 27, 2008 at 12:20 pm

Republicans Have A Sense Of Humor

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One of the great differences between democrats and Republicans is that we can laugh about our scars.


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March 26, 2008 at 11:38 am

Hip Hop Indicted

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Pride. Gratitude. Integrity. Doing the right thing. None of these are terms you normally find associated with Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy. Ms. Worthy’s concept of criminal behavior has, to this point, been confined to sensationalizing the actions of white police officers to the point of being able to charge them with criminal conduct.

Today, however, Ms. Worthy showed she has apparently spent the last month and a half becoming acquainted with not only the law, but also with a dictionary.

Kym Worthy handed down a 12 count indictment charging Detroit Mayor Kwame “Hip Hop” Kilpatrick and his former Paramour/Chief of Staff Christine Beatty, with perjury, obstruction of justice, and willful misconduct. Worthy further showed that she actually “gets” this case. She made it clear that it is not about sex, but about lying under oath. Not about sex, but about destroying the reputations of police officers who were only doing their jobs to the best of their abilities. Not about sex, but about wasting taxpayer dollars to defend a lie. Not about sex, but about public corruption. 

If convicted on all counts, Hip Hop could face nearly eighty years in jail. Sadly, in Michigan the sentences would have to run concurrently meaning the worst that could happen is Hip Hop spends a few years playing right field on the prison softball team.

Ms. Worthy’s actions today went a long way in changing my opinion of her. She seems to have had an attack of conscience and realized that a crime is a crime regardless of the color of the criminal.

You can watch Ms. Worthy’s press conference here:

The only hurdle standing in the way of Ms. Worthy’s successful prosecution of Hip Hop and Beatty will be seating a coherent jury from the waterheaded, crack addicted populace of the City of Detroit. For Hip Hop to be tried by a jury of his peers, Jackson Prison would have to give furloughs to it’s resident population of Crips, Bloods, Chambers Brothers, and Black Mafia Family members.

So, thank you Kym Worthy, for having the integrity to do the right thing and best of luck to you when it comes to prosecuting Detroit’s Hip Hop Mayor.


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March 24, 2008 at 2:49 pm

He Is Risen

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“He is not here: for he is risen… And Jesus spake unto them, saying, “All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. Go ye therefore, and teach all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” Amen.

Matthew 6, 18-19

Have a blessed Easter,


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March 23, 2008 at 8:44 am

From the Archives: Michigan

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I received a call this morning from a close friend who suggested I go back into the archives and re-post some earlier entries. I explained that there is a “blog archives” column on the right side of the page, but for some of my lazier friends and new cursory readers, here is “Michigan,” originally posted on 12.29.06


“….But I’m a Michigan boy can you feel that?”   

Tonight I was taking “The Princess” to a local ski lodge. The weather here has been exceptionally warm, but this place has continued to make snow and still has a few runs open. I was listening to a classic rock station that was playing a set of Bob Seger songs in honor of his returning to play for the hometown fans at The Palace. As we drove along, ‘The Princess” grew bored with the music and wanted to change the station. I, of course, issued an immediate veto.

What came next very nearly caused me to drive off the road. “I don’t like Bob Seger” she stated, in all of her teenage arrogance. As you can guess, I was sorely tempted to pull over and make her walk the rest of the way. I thought I had raised her better than that! Instead of blistered feet, I chose to give her some history; not only of Bob, but also of some other great singers and actors to come out of “The Enchanted Mitten.” 

There is something about people who are born and raised in this state that sets them apart from the average rock star or actor. You know that those who hit the big time and come home, are going to be the same genuine, common sense, sit at the bar with the locals, kind of people they always were. They remember where they came from and are always at the forefront of local and national charitable efforts. You’ll always find a Michigander or two taking the time to go overseas to entertain and thank the members of our military for doing their part to keep us free.

There are a few glaring exceptions to this rule, but I won’t waste your or my time by naming them. They don’t deserve the recognition. But I will say to one woman-rapidly approaching Norma Desmond land- who infamously stated “I just wanted to get the hell out of Michigan.” Hey, honey, there were plenty of guys in Rochester who were happy to get the hell out of you; you pig!

Here, for your consideration, is a partial list of Michigan boys who made it big but chose to come home to live their lives and raise their families.

Bob Seger: Family man extraordinaire. Bob stayed off the road for ten years to spend time with his kids while they were growing up.   

Ted Nugent: You won’t find him or his kids on a police blotter. If you’re not familiar with Ted’s opinions on any number of subjects, you probably aren’t reading this, as you probably live under a rock. (I know, he’s currently in
Texas, but he spends enough time here to qualify)

 Jeff Daniels: I don’t have the time to list Jeff’s film bio, but he is probably the most under rated actor on film today. His “Purple Rose Theater Company” is a nationally respected theater group.    

Kid Rock(aka Bob Ritchie): Love him or Hate him, He puts on the best live show of any act now touring, and never hesitates to get behind a good cause. He is a great example of hard work and what my Dad use to call G.D.S. Guts, Desire, and Stick-to-itiveness.   

Mark, Don, and Mel (Farner, Brewer, and Schacher): Grand Funk Railroad, the original “American Band.” Once at the old Olympia Stadium, they rocked so hard that Led Zeppelin had to be threatened into following them. ‘Nuff said. 

Marshall Mathers: Okay, this one could go either way. Sure he’s psychotic, but he loves his daughter. 

These are just a few of the “name” people I could list. I don’t have time to go into famous side men, or to even begin talking about the Motown guys who are still around. Yeah, there’s something a little different about “Michigan Boys”, too bad the rest of the country can’t catch it.

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March 22, 2008 at 8:48 am

Posted in Blogroll, Michigan

As Green As I’ll Get

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With gas prices headed to $4 a gallon and greedhead traders doing their best to keep oil prices above $100 a barrel by creating a false crisis in the market, I made the decision to go green.

Not green in the whiny liberal, Hollywood poser, tree hugging, hypocrite, algore sense, but The Scolai, Brass Knuckles to the ugly, pock marked face of Hugo Chavez sense.

Yesterday, I traded my 8 mpg Ford F-250, for a Pontiac Sunfire.

The Sunfire is a 4 cylinder, 5 speed stick. Initial mpg? 34. In the city. There, I am doing my part to ease our dependence on foreign oil. It didn’t take a government program, or a democrat’s wish for a 50 cent a gallon tax grab to help me  “go green.” It’s just one patriotic American doing his part to see a bunch of camel humping desert rats and third world chattering monkeys, choke on the one product they have to offer the civilized world.

I can hear it now: “The Scolai just belittled, disrespected and dehumanized fellow citizens of the world!”

You’re damn right I did.

It’s as “green” as I’ll ever get.


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March 21, 2008 at 9:33 am

Rev. James David Manning on Obama

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You only have to hear the first 2 minutes of this clip to know that Rev. Manning probably won’t be receiving any dinner invitations from an Obama White House.


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March 20, 2008 at 1:27 am