The Scolai

“Just a Good Guy…With a Few Bad Habits”

You’re Probably Not A Biker If… ’08

with one comment


You have a trailer like this.

I have news for this neutered jack ass, if he actually rode his bike instead of trailering it, his ol’ lady might want to ride him.

We are about four months into a Michigan winter that should put the global warming myth to rest. Algore needs a carbon credit suppository administered on the point of a steel toed Chippewa workboot.  If I don’t get my face in the wind soon… I was going to reference the wind in my hair, but a certain Canadian Communist elected by a group of illiterate sheep in Detroit, who seems to be surfing a perpetual crimson wave, has arbitrarily eliminated that possibility.

That being said, it seems like a good time to bring out The Scolai’s “You’re Probably Not A Biker If…” list:

If your 2500 mile oil change comes around every two years (or longer), you’re probably NOT a biker (You guys know who I’m talking about).

If you’ve ever missed a Boomer’s Bike Night because you didn’t have time to wash your bike, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve ever decided not to ride because it “might” rain, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve ever gotten a temporary tattoo at Fowlerville, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you think helmets should be mandatory and pipes should be properly baffled, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If the toe of your left boot isn’t somehow deformed from shifting, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve never swallowed a June Bug, had a Deer Fly go down your back and bite you on the butt, or pulled a Bumble Bee out of your left knee, or right testicle at 75 MPH, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve ever ridden “bitch” behind your wife, not as a joke, but because she said “it’s my turn to drive,” you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve ever left a bar because the barmaid wouldn’t make you an Amaretto Sour, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If, on a cold day, you’ve ever had to pull over to blow your nose, your probably NOT a biker. (Make sure you’re alone, or at the back of the pack when you try that maneuver)

If you’ve ever trailered your bike for any reason other than….well there is no reason to trailer a functional bike; Ever. You’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve ever seen a bike broken down on the side of the road and didn’t stop because you thought the owner looked “scummy,” Then you are DEFINITELY NOT a biker.



Written by thescolai

February 26, 2008 at 8:10 am

One Response

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  1. I could not agree more with this! I’m new to the site and just finding all these biker blogs. I love them. Please keep them coming. Bikers are so misunderstood it is unreal, and if anyone that ever claims to be a biker has done any of this..they are dead wrong! thanks 🙂


    March 10, 2011 at 4:58 pm

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