The Scolai

“Just a Good Guy…With a Few Bad Habits”

Flogging Molly Timeline Part 1

with 2 comments

 This post is one that should have been written a week ago. But those that know me, know this last week was hectic to say the least. The length needed to get whole story out also necessitates it being a two part-er. Here is part one:

Scolai 

4:00 pm–Get to Young Jake’s and check out the new bar. I’ll give him credit, he’s not much in the mosh pit, but he sure knows a saw from an axe. Young Jake reminds me alot of myself at his age, except he is much better with money. He bought his first house before his 21st birthday and is already established in his chosen profession. When I was his age, I was sharing a studio apartment with my brother in Pompano Beach and the only legal substance to be found in the entire place was the pitcher of Tequila Sunrises in the refrigerator. Hooligan is already bellied up when we arrive. I walk in with two additions to the regular crew:”Steve the Brewer” and “Ol’ Don.” Steve brings 2 growlers of home brew to compliment the British mix of Guinness, Boddington’s, and Tetley’s that fills my cooler and some ghastly lite beer with which Young Jake has chosen to foul his beer fridge. Ron comes next, followed by the Driver of the Wartabago who walks in with 3 large pizzas. The line up is set. Jaws and T have decided to sit this one out due to some sort of unspecified cramps.

5:15 pm–Load the coolers into the Wartabago. The Driver of the Wartabago has made several recent improvements. These include: extra speakers for the boom box that serves as a stereo, rope lights, and a funnel–containing the obligatory large white mint– connected to a garden hose that serves it’s purpose as a urinal. I know just how white trash that sounds, but believe me when you’ve nearly been run down on the shoulder of I-75 while relieving yourself, while wearing a kilt, this sort of convenience makes perfect sense. I’ve got shotgun and we get underway to the sounds of the best Celtic punk found anywhere this side of The Pouges.

6:15 pm–Outside DFD’s Station 1. I check with the guys inside who give us permission to park the Wartabago in their lot. There are no locks on this behemoth and anything not locked in Detroit has a tendency to disappear like a plate of warm Krispy Kremes in front of the fat broad who fronts the Dixie Chicks. We head around the corner to the theatre doors and see a line of people snaking around the block. Good thing there is a bar in the same building with an entrance to the theatre. I step up and order beers for Young Jake, Hooligan and myself and am nearly apoplectic when the bartender says: “That’ll be $21.” I give him my standard harangue about how, with $5 more, I could buy 60 PBR’s and how do they expect to stay in business charging such prices to such an obviously low rent crowd. This, as usual, has no effect on the bartender, but postpones my aneurysm one more day. 

7:00 pm–The door to the theatre opens but we are told that no one from the bar will be admitted until 8:00. Something about being fair to those who have stood outside in 10 degree weather or some non-sense. In my mind, if you go to a show and aren’t willing to scam to improve your situation, you should really just stay home. Luckily, I am with a group of natural born scamsters. DOTW goes to the doorman and lays a line on him about this being Young Jake’s “Make a Wish” concert. He tells him he is suffering from bladder cancer brought on by a rare undescended penis condition and this may be his last chance to see his favorite band. The story is effective, but doesn’t get us through the door until Ron explains that he is a paramedic assigned to stay with Young Jake in case his catheter becomes blocked or dislodged.

7:05 pm– We are at the entrance to the main floor, but holding tickets for the balcony. This situation was handled by a sympathetic doorman who had no doubt overheard the “Make a Wish” story. He shakes Young Jake’s hand and says “Hang in there little buddy.” Three young ladies in short plaid skirts stop by our table. Ron and Ol’ Don tell them of Young Jake’s plight. One fixes him with her best pout and says: “It’s too bad you can’t (have intercourse), you would make cute babies.” I’m glad he wasn’t armed at that point, there would have been at least 6 fatalities.

(To be continued)

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Written by thescolai

February 16, 2008 at 4:32 pm

2 Responses

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  1. Dear Sir-

    We at the Make a Wish Foundation cannot thank you enough for taking Young Jake to such a fine event. We would like to inform you that after your post we have received numerous phone calls from loose women from the metro detroit area, who wish to felach this Young Jake individual. Please forward this message to the handsome devil. Once again we thank you for kindness to the handicap.

    Make A Wish Foundation CEO

    February 17, 2008 at 3:29 pm

  2. To Make a wish CEO.
    Due to Young Jakes condition, there is a need for quality control.
    There for I am willing to “interview” each and every one of the loose women, please forward their address to me.
    Thank you.

    Driver of the Wartabago

    February 18, 2008 at 1:41 pm


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