The Scolai

“Just a Good Guy…With a Few Bad Habits”

Archive for February 2008

HOOLIGAN…Don’t Schedule The Intervention Just Yet!!

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Written by thescolai

February 29, 2008 at 7:51 pm

Too Pretty To Fly?

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 “I think they were just discriminating against [us] because we were young decent-looking girls,” Williams told “I mean, nobody else on the plane looked like us except us. [The flight attendants] were like older ladies. We were younger. Who knows, they could have been just jealous of us because we were younger.”

Hardly. Trust me, as a man with a very discriminating eye, you two are average at best. After reading your imbecilic statement, I would have to say that you could be considered average only if you kept your mouths shut.

You strike me as two boring little girls who have gotten by on the adulation of goat humping frat boys and lecherous professors. That must be the well from which you draw your inflated sense of self, and unwarranted sense of entitlement.

Remember girls, beauty–what little you have– is fleeting.  Judging from your pictures, I see a future involving work as party favors in some middle eastern sultanate, followed by a passel of fatherless crack babies, and a few guest spots on “COPS.”

Grow up.


Written by thescolai

February 28, 2008 at 11:35 pm

Hip Hop: Out Of The Frying Pan, Into The Fire

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The Michigan State Supreme Court yesterday declined to hear Detroit Mayor Kwame “Hip Hop” Kilpatrick’s appeal to keep his criminal activities secret.

Yes, it’s obvious he perjured himself, not just concerning his relationship with his Chief of Staff, not just concerning his firing of two police officers, but also in his attempts to cover up his criminal actions.

Will he be formally charged with perjury or obstruction of justice? I think the only way he will face charges is if they are brought by the State Attorney General. Wayne County Prosecutor, Kim Worthless, (who truly resembles Jobba the Hut’s nubian sister) has proved many times in the past that her conception of criminal behavior is limited to white police officers.

Will the voters in Detroit turn him out of office? Don’t count on it. Remember, these are the same blockheads that kept Coleman Young in office for 5 terms. Explaining things like perjury and obstruction of justice to the electorate in Detroit is like explaining Einstein’s Theory of Relativity to a group of crack addled, autistic six year olds.

Will Hip Hop resign? Are you kidding me? King Kwame is XXXL in size, but his ego dwarfs his physical appearance. This narcissistic schmuck will NEVER resign, in fact, he is said to be considering a civil suit against the person that leaked the text messages to the Detroit Free Press. This doesn’t sound like the action of a contrite, humbled individual; no, it more closely resembles the actions of a cornered thug. And the Mayor is nothing if not a thug.

Harold Nelthorpe, one of the fired police officers, said it best in an interview with WDIV television. Speaking of Kilpatrick, Nelthorpe offered this observation: “You could tell right away, as soon as you met him, that he had a little to much ‘street’ in him. He was just to young for the job.”  

Read more about this story here:


Written by thescolai

February 28, 2008 at 12:08 am

“Jayson Blair” Times Is At It Again

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A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

 The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

 A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says,  “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.”

 “Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”

 “Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist for the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this on the front page. What motorcycle do you ride?”

 “A Harley Davidson.”

 The journalist leaves.

 The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:


Oh, how the mighty have fallen.


Written by thescolai

February 27, 2008 at 10:33 pm

R.I.P. William F. Buckley

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Written by thescolai

February 27, 2008 at 1:01 pm


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My wife and I recently received notice that our tax “refund” had been processed and would soon be deposited in our account. What bothers me about a “refund” is that it is evidence that we had given the government too much of our money during the previous year.

For several years now, I have tried to structure my deductions as a W-2 employee, and her payments as a small business owner, to make certain that the government gets only the amount necessary to keep me out of jail. Each year, the government seems to find new and creative ways to take a bigger bite out of my ass.

I have long believed that if the Federal Withholding system were abolished and every American taxpayer was required to write out monthly, or quarterly, tax payments to the State and Federal governments, a tax revolt would take place that would make the French Revolution look like a badminton match.

 At the time of the American Revolution, the average household was taxed at approximately 1% of total income and had no say in how the taxes were levied. Today, the average household pays more than 39% in taxes and although we now have “representatives” in the body that levies the taxes, we have no direct say–such as at the ballot box– in the amount we will pay and in that for which the monies collected will be used.

So here is the question kids: How did we go from being a nation willing to fight against a tax system that took 1% of our income, to a nation of sheep that quietly accepts government taking nearly half of our income? 


Written by thescolai

February 27, 2008 at 12:12 pm

Posted in Blogroll, Tax Refund, Taxes

You’re Probably Not A Biker If… ’08

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You have a trailer like this.

I have news for this neutered jack ass, if he actually rode his bike instead of trailering it, his ol’ lady might want to ride him.

We are about four months into a Michigan winter that should put the global warming myth to rest. Algore needs a carbon credit suppository administered on the point of a steel toed Chippewa workboot.  If I don’t get my face in the wind soon… I was going to reference the wind in my hair, but a certain Canadian Communist elected by a group of illiterate sheep in Detroit, who seems to be surfing a perpetual crimson wave, has arbitrarily eliminated that possibility.

That being said, it seems like a good time to bring out The Scolai’s “You’re Probably Not A Biker If…” list:

If your 2500 mile oil change comes around every two years (or longer), you’re probably NOT a biker (You guys know who I’m talking about).

If you’ve ever missed a Boomer’s Bike Night because you didn’t have time to wash your bike, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve ever decided not to ride because it “might” rain, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve ever gotten a temporary tattoo at Fowlerville, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you think helmets should be mandatory and pipes should be properly baffled, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If the toe of your left boot isn’t somehow deformed from shifting, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve never swallowed a June Bug, had a Deer Fly go down your back and bite you on the butt, or pulled a Bumble Bee out of your left knee, or right testicle at 75 MPH, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve ever ridden “bitch” behind your wife, not as a joke, but because she said “it’s my turn to drive,” you’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve ever left a bar because the barmaid wouldn’t make you an Amaretto Sour, you’re probably NOT a biker.

If, on a cold day, you’ve ever had to pull over to blow your nose, your probably NOT a biker. (Make sure you’re alone, or at the back of the pack when you try that maneuver)

If you’ve ever trailered your bike for any reason other than….well there is no reason to trailer a functional bike; Ever. You’re probably NOT a biker.

If you’ve ever seen a bike broken down on the side of the road and didn’t stop because you thought the owner looked “scummy,” Then you are DEFINITELY NOT a biker.


Written by thescolai

February 26, 2008 at 8:10 am