The Scolai

“Just a Good Guy…With a Few Bad Habits”

15 Rules For Men To Live By

with 2 comments

With thanks to Smalltown Lowdown, edited and expanded by The Scolai.

1.) When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

2.) Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

3.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar, or fire station, by 50% without recrimination (are you reading this Carl?); beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%)

4.) If you’ve known a guy for over 24 hours, his sister is off limits. Forever.

5.) Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden (even if it’s Miller Lite). You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

6.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it. Even at your bachelor party.

7.) If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem — you didn’t see nothin’.

8.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer and broaster chicken.

9.) If you compliment a guy on his six pack, you better be referring to his beer. (I hope Young Jake is reading this one. The little metro.)

10.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.

11.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: “Yeah baby push it.” “C’mon, give me one more! Harder!” “Another set and we can hit the showers.” “Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?” (This one was definitely written with The Driver of the Wartabago in mind.)

12.) Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

13.) A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

14.) If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, “What this guy needs is a good ass whoopin’ ,” then you may sit back and enjoy.

15.) It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free.



Written by thescolai

November 29, 2007 at 8:18 am

2 Responses

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  1. Where did I go wrong???? 🙂

    Papa Scolai

    William Hampton

    November 29, 2007 at 10:29 am

  2. I thought only one man made all the rules ? Those dont sound like his ?


    November 30, 2007 at 8:11 pm

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