The Scolai

“Just a Good Guy…With a Few Bad Habits”

A Letter To Young Jake

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Young Jake,

So, off you go to the Major Leagues of Moshing. As I am unable to attend this momentous occasion, and because I am feeling rather like a father sending his son out into the world unprotected and alone, I offer you these suggestions:

1.) Review the materials found in the “Hooligan School of Moshing

2.) No fouling the Iron Pimp by excreting bodily fluids into randomly available containers. Retodd reuses them for his home brew.

3.) Since you have achieved the age of majority, it is permissible for you to drink your Guinness from a can and, or real bottle. But remember, should you pick up a “light beer” of any kind, The Driver of the Wartabago is authorized to mete out discipline; ould sod style.

4.) Keep Uncle Hooligan in sight when entering the pit. Be sure to watch his back. He is the reigning Mosh Pit Master, but his stamina is questionable. Remember how Kimba watched over Dan’l.

5.) When things get rough and the out of place frat boys start to feel their beer muscles, think of what your old Uncle Scolai would do. Then hide behind your Uncle Hooligan. I don’t think you’re mentally or physically up to the consequences of acting like me. 

6.) Consider yourself lucky that only the Murphys have a Pit worthy set. As I remember, you were only good for one set at St. Andrews (kids these days!).

In conclusion don’t be full of yourself. Your cherry poppin’ Pit experience was more akin to falling on a fence post than actually having sex.

Okay Smokey, here’s something to get you started:

Break a leg kid.

Uncle Scolai

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Written by thescolai

November 13, 2007 at 11:28 pm

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