The Scolai

“Just a Good Guy…With a Few Bad Habits”

48 Hours plus of Life

with 2 comments

Recently, I wrote the piece “When Animals Attack…The Scolai” about a run in I had with my African American tomcat Tupac that necessitated a trip to the local urgent care center. One week later (the day before yesterday, to be exact) as I was power washing my deck, I was bitten by an unknown insect. I didn’t think much of it at the time as I have never had any real problems with reactions to any bee stings or bug bites.

When I woke up yesterday morning I noticed that I was covered in hives. Being the typical guy, I decided to go into work figuring I would pick up some cortisone cream and benadryl, and call it good. Not the best plan of attack. By 6:00pm, the hives had spread across my torso and legs and were quickly heading to an area that does NOT need hives. I headed back to the local urgent care where I was checked in by the same nurse as last week.

After an IPS by a nurse with a beautiful brogue, I was ushered in to see a doctor who must have received his medical license sometime before Gettysburg. He took one look at the hives, said “bug bite” and left the room. Next thing I know a nurse walked in with a syringe and needle that was supposed to be used to inject a turkey, or at best deliver a “Silver Bullet” for VD (nope, never contracted that).

I said “You’re going to poke me in the butt with that?” She said “Yes. And if you take a deep breath and relax and don’t tense up like a little b**ch it probably won’t hurt.” You gotta love nurses who have spent a lot of time around Firemen!

Eight hours later the swelling had gone down, but I was left looking like a victim of Kaposi’s Sarcoma (which I also have never contracted).

Feeling that I needed to work off some stress, this morning I headed to the gym. As a career Firefighter my first option for stress relief is to practice the accepted Firefighter method. Absent that opportunity, the gym works. If you are curious as to the “accepted Firefighter method” of stress relief, ask any Firefighter. I would explain it here, but my mother still checks this site. This method will probably offend T.C.T. Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church as Firefighters prefer real women to sheep. If you are curious about the above mentioned social deviant, check out my blogging hero at Hooligan Mind.

I still hate to workout, but once I am there my workouts resemble random psychotic episodes. If I am alone, I am usually screaming at the top of my lungs. If others are around, I sing to myself, but apparently the look on my face warns them to give “Mr. Efficiency” a wide berth. Today I decided to put Dave Davies “I’m Not Like Everybody Else” on repeat and see if I couldn’t make my heart explode.

Two hours after leaving the gym I got a call from the owner. My gym is a 24/7 operation equipped with security cameras and key cards to enter during off hours. Our conversation went like this:

Owner: I wish these cameras could record audio.

Scolai: Why?

Owner: Were you singing along to that Irish Punk you usually listen to?

Scolai: No. Just some Dave Davies

Owner: Well go back to the punk. You were running around here today with a look of pure, evil, rage. Promise me I’m not going to have to come in someday and find all the equipment flipped over and holes punched in all my drywall.

Yeah, I can get kinda agro.



Written by thescolai

October 8, 2007 at 8:58 pm

2 Responses

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  1. Only you could move from a huge wooded lot to a lake and get bit by some messed up bug.

    Driver of the Wartabago

    October 9, 2007 at 2:07 am

  2. You must have your Mother’s genes for bug bite resistance….. Bugs don’t “bug” me…

    Papa Scolai

    William Hampton

    October 9, 2007 at 9:01 am

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