The Scolai

“Just a Good Guy…With a Few Bad Habits”

What I’ve Learned

with one comment

 (Originally Posted on March 25th, 2007 on The

I enjoyed the “What I’ve Learned” series in Esquire so much that I decided to do my own:

There are people you don’t like until you get to know them. Worse, there are people you like until you get to know them. My ex father-in-law was one of the latter; a recently retired Chief was one of the former.

Paul Newman is our greatest living actor, and he only gets better with age.

Ann Coulter is living proof that blondes don’t have to be dumb and that beautiful women can actually have something to say.

You are not “Supporting the Troops” if you are praying for them to be brought home in disgrace, and seeking to pass legislation that will guarantee it happens. Let me say this again: Better to fight and defeat the Muslim Extremists in Baghdad , than to have to fight and defeat them in Boston.

Given a choice between Chicago Style Pizza and New York Style; a man will choose Chicago every time.

I am happiest doing exactly what I want at any given moment regardless of how others perceive my actions. I have been accused of grandstanding a time or two, but people who know me will agree that if I want to do something, I will do it whether I am alone or in the middle of a few thousand people.

Jimmy Buffett once wrote: “If you decide to run with the ball, just count on fumbling and getting the shit knocked out of you a lot. But never forget how much fun it is just to be able to run with the ball.” Translation: Be true to yourself. You will never really be able to please anyone else.

I want to live long enough to be a burden to my children. Unfortunately, they think I should have died last week.

As a student of history I have learned that George S. Patton was a phenomenal tactician, however, Patton didn’t win one battle. Battles are won by the ordinary, ass in the grass soldier who does his duty.

Women are a hundred times tougher than men and can be a thousand times more devastating when a relationship goes south.

Having spent time as a Soldier, a Cop, and a Firefighter, I know that I want my daughters to steer clear of all three.

My parents were strict with my brother and me while we were growing up. Did I like it at the time? Of course not; but now that I have a parent’s perspective, I know that what some might term abuse, others call “keeping my kid out of prison.” The thought of arrest didn’t scare me nearly as much as the thought of my Dad coming to pick me up from jail.

Having a couple of $3 pints with a friend, accomplishes more for my state of mind than a couple of $200 an hour sessions with a therapist.

If a majority of motorcycle riders in Michigan voted that all riders should have to wear helmets, I would wear one and only bitch half as much. But since helmet laws are currently being kept in place by a Socialistic, Canadian transplant elected by a blissfully ignorant populace with a terminal welfare mentality, I feel justified in bitching whenever I like. “LET THOSE WHO RIDE DECIDE.”

God blessed me by making me the father of three girls instead of the father of three boys. I’m afraid if I would have had boys, they would all have false teeth and I would be playing right field on the prison softball team.

Pat Tillman is a hero. Cindy Sheehan is an opportunist of the worst sort.

You can’t beat Celtic Punk for workout music. The best lineup on your I Pod or Mp3 player should include a healthy mix of: Street Dogs, Dropkick Murphys, Real McKenzies, and Flatfoot 56.

Tim Dorsey is probably the most underrated writer out there today. He may not equal their sales, but if Carl Hiiason and Dave Barry had a baby and raised it on a steady diet of Whiskey and PCP, it would grow up to write like Tim Dorsey.

A college education is a great thing, but given the current trend of “indoctrination” (Liberal Philosophy), over “education” (Conservative Critical Thinking), a degree no longer guarantees common sense or any real level of intelligence.

I would rather accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior and find out when I died, I was wrong, than to deny Him in life, and in death realize the horrible truth that I should have believed.



Written by thescolai

April 23, 2007 at 3:27 pm

One Response

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  1. Ann Coulter really? You’re an idiot, no one wants to read what you’ve learned


    December 11, 2008 at 1:07 pm

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