The Scolai

“Just a Good Guy…With a Few Bad Habits”

Archive for February 2007

Family Guy

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Peter and the boys discussing Prostate Exams. Oh the Joys of Middle Age…

Scolai

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February 28, 2007 at 12:01 am

Algore a Hypocrite?

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Al Gore’s Personal Energy Use Is His Own “Inconvenient Truth”

Gore’s home uses more than 20 times the national average

Well DUH! Did anyone actually believe this self serving, condescending troglodyte walked his talk? Its just another great example of the Imperial mentality of so many in the upper echelons of today’s Democrat party. Yeah, they’re for the little guy, as long as they don’t actually have to live like one.

You can read the whole story here.

Scolai

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February 27, 2007 at 12:26 am

Love your Kids?

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Maddox is the author of the “Alphabet of Manliness” and the website “The Best Page in the Universe.” This is one funny guy. The piece below is part of his post: “Love your kids? Prove it by beating them.” Anyone my age and older caught a few of these on a regular basis growing up, and you know what? It was a GOOD thing. My Dad was proficient in all the procedures outlined below; My Mother was Babe Ruth with her yard stick. We turned out polite and well adjusted. We know how to wear a baseball cap and don’t walk around with our underwear hanging out of our pants. We respect our elders and don’t think the world owes us a thing. As a Father, I’m not talking about hitting your daughters, girls should never think its okay for a man to hit them… so leave that to your wife. Boys, on the other hand, are basically animals and regularly need to be beaten like government mules. I’m not talking about child abuse, if you are abusing your children you’re  wrong. What I am saying is that a little physical intimidation (especially with boys) as a child; goes a long way towards making a productive, stable, well adjusted adult. Show love to your kids, smack ‘em today.

Scolai

To help you, the negligent parent, I’ve put together a guide to smacking your kids for your convenience (hint: you may want to even print this guide up and hang it on your fridge as a reminder to both you and your kids). Here are some useful techniques:
beatkid2a.jpg  Five across the eyes. This is a very basic maneuver and usually enough to cover most situations when your child is out of line. Simply put four fingers tightly together and either leave the thumb off to the side or fold it behind the other four fingers. Then smack your kid across the face with the back of your hand. Now this is the tricky part: make sure to snap your wrist just before contact otherwise you won’t get a stinging effect. Very important because you don’t want to risk letting your kid think you’re a pussy.

  The sucker punch. Just ask the question “hey, what’s that on your shirt?” and when they look down, bust their lip. You need to do this every now and then to keep them guessing. Don’t ever let them off the hook. Just because they’re not doing anything wrong doesn’t mean that they didn’t do something wrong earlier that you weren’t aware of.

  The yard stick. Or for those of you who don’t use the arbitrary American system, this is also known as “the meter stick.” This is a good general purpose beating because the stick usually doesn’t last beyond three or four good whacks–usually enough to send the message.

  The one-two shut-the-hell-up. This is priceless when you’re shopping and your kid won’t shut the hell up: “I’m hungry, I want toys, I need my Insulin…” etc. First smack your kid (the 5 across the eyes technique works). Wait a few seconds for your kid to start crying, then smack your kid again to let him know that you mean business. This usually shuts them up because they see that the amount of crying is proportional to the amount of beatings.

  The 2 x 4 / PVC pipe. If you do your job as a parent, this should never have to be administered. This is for heavy duty jobs only (ie. any time your kid comes home and begins a sentence with “she might be pregnant…” or “I can _____ if I want to…” where the blank can be any of the following: smoke, have sex, experiment with drugs, watch Oprah, etc). Usually the threat of this beating is enough to keep your kid from screwing up.

  The Dragon Kick. If you’re interested in a permanent solution to your child giving you lip about washing the dishes, cleaning his or her room or filing your tax return, then the Dragon kick might be the technique for you. I guarantee that you will only have to ask once after the Dragon kick has been administered.

  The skull thump. A quick blow usually dealt to the side or back of the head. Simply flick them in the head with your finger. An alternative is to smack your child up side the head with your palm. Very useful for teaching your child to read when he or she makes a mistake. Hitting your child when he or she is learning builds confidence, or undermines confidence–I can’t remember which.

  The one-handed chauffeur reach around. A quick reach around while you’re driving to smack your kid and his friends too if they disrespect. Swerve the car back and forth for the full effect.

  The cane intercept. If you’re too old to chase your kid around the house, use the handle of your cane to trip him if he tries to get away. When he gets up, poke him in the head a few times to let him know who’s boss.

There you have it. Use these basic techniques to discipline your child if you want him or her to turn out to be a success story like me. Here’s how to tell if you’ve fulfilled your obligations as a parent:

  beatkid4.jpg

Remember: never take shit from your kids. You make payments on the house, utilities, their clothes, school, and their food. You own them. If they don’t like it, they can move out. If you love your kids, love them enough to beat them so that they don’t grow up to be idiots.

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February 27, 2007 at 12:23 am

FINALLY!

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 At last night’s Academy Awards ceremony, Martin Scorsese finally received his due with a win for Best Director. While The Departed” is not his best film, it is still a great movie. More interesting, however, is the true story the movie is based on.

Check out these links for a “truth is stranger than fiction” story.

Wikipedia

www.crimelibrary.com

Scolai

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February 26, 2007 at 8:40 am

Strong Delusion

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  “For the mystery of iniquity doth already work: only he who now letteth will let, until he be taken out of the way. And then shall that wicked be revealed, whom the Lord shall consume with the spirit of his mouth, and shall destroy with the brightness of his coming: Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders, And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.”

II Thessalonians 2: 7-12

Apparently James Cameron plans to hold a press conference in New York on Monday. He will announce that he has “evidence” that Jesus Christ was not resurrected, and that he had a child with Mary Magdelene. I’ll let the above verse speak for itself. You can read more about Mr. Cameron’s new movie here. If you are interested in the facts of Christ’s “Burial” check out this article from Wayne Jackson.

Scolai

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February 25, 2007 at 12:10 am

Obama vs Cheney

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At a recent Austin Texas fundraiser, Presidential hopeful Senator Barack Obama criticized Vice President Cheney for saying that Britain ’s plan to pull some of its troops out of Iraq was a sign that the coalition strategy is succeeding. Obama told a rain soaked crowd: 

“In fact, Dick Cheney said this is all part of the plan (and) it was a good thing that Tony Blair was withdrawing, even as the administration is preparing to put 20,000 more of our young men and women in.  Now, keep in mind, this is the same guy that said we’d be greeted as liberators, the same guy that said that we’re in the last throes. I’m sure he forecast sun today, When Dick Cheney says it’s a good thing, you know that you’ve probably got some big problems.”

Besides the fact that this guy looks like he should be wearing a bow tie and hawking bean pies on a Chicago streetcorner, what do we really know about him?

Seven years as an Illinois State senator, followed by just over two years as a United States senator, and this qualifies him to be President? His major qualifications seem to be Hollywood’s fawning over him, and the main stream press’ determination to shove him down the throat of the American public.

This guy has a better understanding of International Politics than Dick Cheney? Does he even know where in Iraq the British troops are deployed? Would it help to inform him that the area controlled by the Brits is less volatile and therefore needs fewer troops than the area under U.S. control? Or would that information not fit with Mr. Obama’s campaign rhetoric?

Remember these facts, seven years as an Illinois State senator and two years as a United States senator. Contrast Sen. Obama’s limited experience with that of Vice President Cheney:

Deputy Assistant to President Ford

Assistant to the President and White House Chief of Staff (President Ford)

Ten years in the U.S. House of Representatives (Wyoming )

Secretary of Defense under Bush 41 (anyone remember Gulf War Won?)

Two term Vice President under Bush 43 

And this man has big problems understanding International Relations and the prosecution of the War on Terror? A nearly 30 year career at the highest levels of government and a man with Barack Obama’s extremely limited experience is better qualified to judge U.S. policy and intentions?

I know that given my last few posts regarding the Vice President, it may seem that I am a huge fan of this administration; this is not completely the case. I have serious differences with the Bush Administration’s handling of the case of Border Agents Ramos and Compean. I disagree with the administrations weak stand on illegal immigration and its unwillingness to push a true Conservative agenda. But I would be remiss if I stood by and didn’t use the small forum I have to defend the actions of this administration vis-a-vis the War on Terror. 

Further, my comment on his physical appearance not withstanding, I do not mean to denigrate Barack Obama’s considerable accomplishments. If you can make it through Columbia University and Harvard Law, you are obviously no dummy. However, I feel he is wrong in attempting to portray the Vice President as a liar and unconcerned with the fate of troops being sent to Iraq.

Mr. Obama would do better to continue to try winning his party’s nomination by calling attention to the differences between himself and Madame Clinton, instead of knocking a war policy he obviously doesn’t understand, and a man whose experience he would do well to learn from.

Scolai  

(Note: Just as I was finishing this post, news came in that violence had broken out in Basra with two British bases being bombarded by terrorists. Obviously, pulling troops out only emboldens the terrorists. I stand by my remarks regarding Mr. Obama. If a man can’t understand that fewer troops are needed when things are good, how will he understand when more are needed to get the job done?)

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February 25, 2007 at 12:09 am

You Know You’re Irish When…

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The condensation on your pint of Guinness takes the shape of shamrocks

You believe that to forgive is divine, but you don’t exercise it yourself.

You won’t eat meat on Friday, but you’ll drink a pint for breakfast.

You consider any Irishman who has become successful a traitor.

You have great respect for the truth, and you only use it in emergencies.

The further you get from Ireland, the more Irish you get.

You eat home fried taters for breakfast, potato bread for lunch, and potato stew for dinner.

You cry at sad movies, but you cheer in battle.

You will never play professional basketball.

You swear very well.

You think you sing very well.

There isn’t a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone.

You’re strangely poetic after a few beers.

You can’t wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking.

Much of your food is boiled.

Your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room.

There wasn’t a huge difference between your last wake and your last keg party. 

Well over half of the above are true in my case (okay, so it’s really more like 99%; most of my food is fried). Growing up, my mother always made a big deal of our French-Canadian and Indian heritage. While I am very proud of those parts, it wasn’t until I learned of my Irish heritage that so many of my personality quirks made sense. See if any of the above apply to you.

Scolai

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February 24, 2007 at 12:05 am