I Love Being a Dad
A couple of months ago, I was in my yard raking leaves when my oldest daughter’s boyfriend drove up with a friend in his car. They got out, said hello and asked if “The Princess” was ready. As usual, she was running about half an hour behind. I told them she would probably be awhile and that they could go in the house and watch T.V. until she was ready.
I went back to raking leaves. A short while later I had an epiphany. Walking into the house I found the two boys sitting on the couch basically staring into space. “What are you two doing?” I asked. “Nothing” they replied. “Well you are now, come on outside.”I told the boyfriend to go to the garage and get two rakes. Both of the boys looked at me like had just dropped out of the sky. “What? Am I speaking Swahili? Get the Rakes!” I said in a slightly annoyed tone. This kid finally got my meaning and moved out smartly for the garage. Returning, he handed the larger rake to his friend. Once again they just stared at me. So, speaking slowly like I was explaining physics to four year olds, I said “Go to the corner of the house, and work your way out to driveway.” I think it dawned on them that I wasn’t kidding, because they immediately set to work. I’ll give them credit, for being a little slow on the uptake, they sure moved some leaves!
About 15 minutes later, “The Princess” appeared at the front door. Seeing the boyfriend’s car, but being unable to locate said boyfriend, she asked: “Dad, where are the guy’s?” I pointed to my busy yard apes. The look on her face was priceless! In the blink of an eye, she was able to muster all the righteous indignation available to a five foot tall, ninety pound fifteen year old. “DAD!! What are you doing? You’re making them work!?!” “Kid, if there are any flies on you they’re payin’ rent” I dead panned. “What, I’m supposed to be out here sweating while they sit on my couch holding hands?” Her reaction was immediate. Screaming at the boys she said “Drop those rakes! We’re leaving right now. Dad! You’re such an embarrassment; I can’t believe you would do that!”
She ran upstairs to grab her stuff while the boys looked at me like they didn’t know who to obey. Inside, I was cracking up, but I managed to maintain my stern demeanor. “Go put those rakes away and get back over here.” They understood that a lot quicker than “Get the Rakes”. When they got back to where I was standing, I handed the boyfriend $20 and told him to buy lunch for his buddy and “The Princess” and her friend they were going to meet. I also told him to not say anything about my giving him the money until they finished eating. I wanted her to stay wound up awhile longer!
Just as I finished giving him the money, “The Princess” huffed past us as only a teenage girl can, and got into his car. They left, and I went back to my raking. A couple of hours later I checked my voice mail. I had one message; it was “The Princess”. Fathers of teenage daughters will know the tone of voice I heard as I listened to these words:“Dad, you are SUCH a jerk!”
Yeah, I Love being a Dad.